Monday, January 26, 2015

Penny For Our Thoughts

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There are plenty of hugely important news stories to talk about today, but we're not going to address them because we're taking Hydrocodone for our back pain and we're having some trouble with those...uh... things...what do you call them?...you know, those things...oh, yeah - words!

Fortunately, we have a simpler and happier subject that we can write about - the one year anniversary of our adoption of Penny, The Official Dog of Hope n' Change! 

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Penny has gone from pup to energetic princess around here and is now a full-sized 50-pound mutt who is pleasantly thunkable (we believe that a good dog, like a good watermelon, should have a robust resonance when thunked).

Surviving puppyhood was easier for Penny than for the Jarlsberg household, as she can be a whirlwind and a dynamo. And from the way she treats furniture, we suspect that there is both mountain goat and beaver in her family lineage. But time has mellowed her a bit, and she's now developing "big girl" manners.

Penny has changed a lot over the last year. She grew stilt-like legs (appropriately enough), and her coloration has changed: she's turned out to be not as black as everyone expected, sort of like a certain president we could name.

This first Penny-versary is very meaningful in the Jarlsberg household. We adopted her at a time which was challenging for the family, and the passing of a full year helps us reflect on (and be grateful for) the many good things that have happened since then. Plus - we have a dog!

Penny is ever alert, watching for drones, black helicopters, ISIS insurgents, liberal looters, Constitutional scofflaws, and miscreants in general. Also squirrels and UPS trucks - you can't be too careful.

And quite unlike a certain president we could name, she makes us happy every day. And will for many Penny-versaries to come.

In only one short year she's got us perfectly trained.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Film Flam

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You remember this murderous bastard, right?

By now, nearly everyone knows two things about Clint Eastwood's multi-Oscar nominated film "American Sniper" - that conservatives have made the movie a huge box office sensation, and that liberals loathe the movie simply for existing.

The film, which tells the powerful true story of sniper Chris Kyle, offends liberal sensibilities because Kyle killed bad people for good reasons - which is pretty much the opposite of what goes on in the Planned Unparenthood abattoirs which liberals hold so dear.

Hope n' Change would say a lot more about this, and the idiotic remarks of Hollywood morons like Michael "Are You Going To Eat That?" Moore (who tweeted that snipers are cowards who will shoot you in the back) and Seth "No, Dammit, I'm Not Jonah Hill" Rogen (who tweeted that the film seemed like pro-military Nazi propaganda), but in complete candor we're experiencing wracking back pain at the moment (a handy hint: never watch the State of the Union Address on a television too heavy to throw) and so intend to wrap up this commentary as quickly as possible so we can get back to our heating pad, soothing new age music, and painkillers. On the rocks.

In summary, Hope n' Change definitely plans to go see "American Sniper." If so many anti-military liberals have this film in their crosshairs (see what we did there?) it's clearly worth supporting at the box office.

Yes, Obamacare covers the treatment of back pain.

BONUS: An Old Michael Moore Joke!

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Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Just Like Clockwork

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, state of the union, 2015, SOTU, Clockwork Orange
No, we didn't watch the State of the Union Address last night.  We didn't watch it for the same reason we didn't shove meth-crazed porcupines up our poop chute: because it would be an unbelievably stupid and painful thing to do.

According to media expectations (and how could those be wrong?), Obama's speech would outline his new, even more offensive Offensive - demanding higher taxes on the evil rich (and, oh yeah, the marginally evil middle class) in order to give away more "free" stuff to the freaking rabble, illegal immigrants, and the Muslim brotherhood.

Still, here at Hope n' Change we have a solemn journalistic duty to be fair and balanced about the president's plans for the nation, which is why we asked our new liberal correspondent to give her reactions to the State of the Union Address...

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Indeed they can't, Lucy! And the fact that Barack Obama is delivering the State of the Union Address proves it.

BONUS: 2014 Cartoon Awards Announced by TheRightReasons.net!


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