Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Even though the news cycle is currently consumed by sexy stories about beheadings and police shootings, the massive and ongoing IRS scandal still holds interest for a few news-obsessive folks who fret about little things like freedom of speech and a widespread criminal conspiracy in which government officials, almost certainly with the president's blessing, attacked We The People.
Which is why Hope n' Change finds it pretty darned interesting that, in response to the latest FOIA discovery actions by the good people at Judicial Watch, the IRS has been forced to admit that they've actually had backups of Lois Lerner's "missing" emails all along, kept in a super-duper catastrophe-proof computer which was intended to help rebuild the world in case, following some nightmarish disaster, survivors would find it helpful to read Lerner's witty attacks on conservatives.
Unfortunately, the IRS says that pulling any useful information out of the backup system is so ridiculously difficult that it would be "too onerous" to even attempt. Which, when you think about it, makes the End of the World Computer a pretty good joke-in-waiting on those poor SOBs who'll be relying on it following the zombie apocalypse.
But the existence of Ms. Lerner's emails in the Doomsday File Server isn't the only recently-revealed news about the case. Because we now know that Ms. Lerner used her government-issued Blackberry for a lot of correspondence, and it's easy-peasy to get old emails off a Blackberry!
Unless, of course, the IRS erased its memory after the congressional investigation started heating up, conveniently "forgot" to check for or backup any of the emails, and then sold the device for scrap.
Frankly, with all of the blatant destruction of evidence taking place, Hope n' Change is somewhat surprised that no one from the administration has visited Lois Lerner in the dark of night to perform an ice pick lobotomy and destroy the last bit of memory which might imperil the president.
Then again, maybe they're just waiting for a really busy news day when the story would be ignored - just like every other incriminating revelation to date.
Monday, August 25, 2014
Much like Nick and Nora Charles (if they had tourette's), the Jarlsbergs trade witty quips about current events each evening, heartily chortling while trying not to spill drinks on our dinner jackets and sequined taffeta evening gowns.
And so it was that Mrs. Jarlsberg came up with the delightful joke above which notes the symmetry between ISIS and Bill Clinton's infamous "is is," which we hastily scribbled down on an embroidered cocktail napkin.
Because seriously, if we can't try to laugh about impending Jihaddi armageddon and American presidents who were a total disgrace to their office, then the terrorists have won.
BONUS: Sects and the City
Of course, despite Bill Clinton's tasteless joke above, ISIS is a very real threat - a "cancer" in the words of Barack Hussein Obama. And he should know - he's the guy who stood around with his thumb up his ass for years watching it grow and metastasize.
Still, Hope n' Change finds it odd that ISIS would single out Chicago as a potential target for terrorism, because dozens of people are brutally murdered there every week and nobody seems to give a flying fart in the wind. (Note to potential victims: if you want your death to get publicity post mortem, make sure there are stolen Swisher Sweets on your body!)
Moreover, it's not like there are any special targets of opportunity in Obama's old home town which would personally affect him.
The Reverend Jeremiah Wright's church? Barry doesn't even remember his 20 years of attendance. Bill Ayres' house and bomb-making garage? Barry claims he barely knows the man. Obama's own mansion? Hey, Barry's old pal Tony Rezko would be more than happy to slide some illicit money under the table (yet again) to pay for any damages done by the suicide-vest crowd.
So perhaps ISIS should rethink where they'll attack if they really want B. Hussein to feel the pain. We suggest that they consider a golf course.
Friday, August 22, 2014
Hope n' Change is taking a more relaxed approach than usual today because the news currently stinks on ice.
There's racial discord being whipped up by Eric "the stinking white police have hassled me too" Holder, the absolutely horrendous beheading of an American journalist by ISIS, and the one constant in American politics: King Barry high-fiving his pals on the golf course.
And of course, there are a couple of dozen ongoing scandals which nobody (at least in the media) seems to be interested in anymore.
Which is why Hope n' Change prefers to take positive kinetic action today on something that can actually make a difference in this world! Specifically, we're going to share with you the top secret recipe for the Hope n' Change Summer Cooler which is only served at the annual Hope n' Change company picnic and on any days in which Barack Obama has appeared in the news.
By the way, they'll come out frozen pretty solid and you may want to microwave for a few seconds so you can start chiseling a spoon in. On the other hand, if you've dumped enough vodka in there, the mixture may never freeze. Which is also okay, assuming that you have a loved one hide your car keys.